"It sounds like you want it to be my brother's table." Ansgar smiled and laughed a little more. It wouldn't stop his brother from guesting at strip clubs along the way but it would keep some of his nights busy.
All he could do is shake his head. "You know, my brother won the award for best legs in LA this past summer?" The girl mythos was deep around his brother and it had amused him and Rekker to no end hearing that his brother beat all the women. It had come with a bit of prize money too which Rekker had helped the Dane invest. It was sweet to Ansgar that there were those treating Mikkel like their kid.
“I want Kuro to be as successful as we possibly can. Selling merch is an important part of that.” Jay justified his choice. Besides, they all saw what he did the first night. Rex and Johan didn’t pick up their shirts before the show, and almost didn’t get one in their size once they finally got back to the booth!
“Best legs? I wasn’t aware that was an award you could win.”
(Suffice it to say, this wasn’t really Jay’s scene. The clubs he and Dee frequented weren’t of the stripping variety.)
"You should get him a pair of hot pants with our logo on the ass." Ansgar laughed but he was also certain that his brother would wear them in a heartbeat.
"I didn't either." Ansgar shook his head. "Hexed and Blixt did a show together and I heard Rekker almost started a fight with the crowd talking about it."
"My brother has been since he was 11 or 12." Ansgar knew that Mikkel would put anyone in them if he could get away with it. It was probably his brother's favorite outfit. The tinier, sometimes, the better.
Ansgar was feeling his mood improve and grinned while reaching for another strawberry. "I'm sure you encourage him the same way Sigurd does with my brother."
"If you mean unapologetically? Then, yes." Jay grabbed another one as well, dipping it in the chocolate. "I mean, he does look damn good in them. Who am I to say no?"
"I'm not entirely sure I want to know what ours would be..." Jay admitted with a shrug. So that was what he meant by teasing. "What does he call Sigurd?"
"A lot of things he wouldn't call others." Ansgar knew Mikkel was always giving out nicknames. "Grouchy old man, dirty daddy, some other things. Sigurd doesn't help calling him a brat all the time."
Compared to Jay's selection of nicknames for Dee - Siren. Little Blackbird. Jay was far too much of an old-school romantic gentleman to adopt anything risque, even though Dee honestly was the kinky one in the bedroom.
"I might have a good twelve years on Dee, but he'd better not try out anything like Dirty Daddy on me. I can't see Dee finding that amusing at all." He shook his head.
True, he didn't really understand the full context, but he knew how Dee viewed power dynamics that came anywhere close to a parent over a child. Especially as his independence became more and more compromised by his condition. You want to get shut down? Seriously, say you only want what's best for him. It won't end well.
Ansgar shrugged. "I don't know the whole thing in the kink but my understanding is that the older male is the caregiver who gets frustrated or grouchy and the younger is bratty or obstinate. I think it determines the caregiver as the top and the brat as the bottom."
He could see where his brother would see similarities but it seemed like it wasn't a good idea. "My brother doesn't always know what he's saying. He was socially isolated for years."
When everyone else was in school learning how to socialize and what was right and wrong to say or do, his brother was locked in a house. It caused a lot of problems already, even between Mikkel and Sigurd.
It was all the more reason to pass along the message now, before anyone could put their foot in their mouth or say anything they'd later regret.
Once Mikkel got to know the pair better, he'd probably realize their dynamic didn't match that stereotype whatsoever. Jay might be a caregiver most of the time, but he wasn't calling the shots. Dee was the dominant one. He was the one who needed to feel a sense of control.
It was complicated. Dee could be complicated sometimes.
"I don't want them to get off on the wrong foot. Especially when, you're right, they could be very good for each other." Jay replied thoughtfully. "I'm sure there are topics that he'd rather avoid too."
They were both complicated and traumatized people. It would be hard for awhile maybe.
"The main one for my brother is not yelling. He'll run. Not just to the other room or something but run off." Ansgar sighed. "Raised, upset voices still mean a beating is coming to him and the instinct to run and hide is like an injured animal."
He'd run so many times, even on Sigurd. "I don't even know if he understands anything the way the rest of us do."
“You know, when Dee was Mikkel’s age, that’s exactly what he did. He ran. He stopped all treatments, burned every bridge. And went off by himself to either make it in music or die.”
The comparison to an injured animal was apt.
“He’s never been very good at hiding, though. He’s more the injured animal that bites back. Ferociously. Loudly.” Jay shook his head. “He’s worked through a lot of his anger since we started dating. But a lot of the fear is still there. I used to worry about him running more than I did about him dying. But at least now… he runs to me.”
Running might have technically been a stretch. Dee couldn’t really run anymore. And while he could technically still die, he was actively doing things to treat his condition now. Despite his fears.
Jay saw Mikkel the same way. There were likely some things those two would never truly work through. Some scars that would never really heal.
“Dee and I will watch out for those triggers.” Jay finally brought it around again. “But as you said… something could still happen. Even I’ve triggered Dee on occasion. And I know him better than anyone at this point. I’m sorry in advance if it does.”
Ansgar sighed. "I wish Mikkel ran for something as positive as going for his dreams."
There's a worried look that passes Ansgar's expression and a nearly uncomfortable silence. "If my brother turns on someone to bite, run. He hates fighting and confrontation. When he does those himself he believes he's about to die, literally die in that moment and will fight like that is what is at stake. It's better for everyone if he runs."
He shook his head. "Mikkel doesn't run to anyone. Half he doesn't trust and the other half, he'd worry going to them means they will be injured too. That's why he runs so much."
He knew it was possible. He'd lost track of how many people Mikkel had fought with, got upset with, over time. Sigurd still weathered the brunt of it because he was foolish, or courageous, enough to hold on when the kid imploded.
"The big thing to remember with Mikkel is people not being calm can easily be interpreted as real physical danger. Even Sigurd getting upset at other people to protect him has set him off."
‘I will do this or die trying’ always sounds so positive until the ‘die trying’ becomes a literal reality. It was a double-edged sword that Jay rarely admitted to being scared of.
He’d made unbreakable promises to Dee to essentially let him die. Those promises held up their entire relationship in a way, because they served as the literal foundation of Dee’s trust in him. For most people, mourning someone came at the end of a relationship. Jay did this entirely in reverse.
He looked up at Ansgar as the younger man broke the silence. He listened intently, taking it in.
“Not calm - is that only anger, or would feelings of intense anxiety be a trigger too?” He asked for clarification.
"Anger is the worst." Ansgar knew that was truth and it was anyone's anger, sometimes directed toward anyone. "Billy surprised Rik to tickle him and he screamed. Some days that is enough."
Ansgar shook his head. "He's so mature and together. Has all these people who love him. It's easy to forget he's fragile and that most of his life he's been hurt and alone." That was something Ansgar struggled with and played a huge part in his alcoholism. He couldn't be there for his baby brother. At his worst he blamed himself for it happening.
Ansgar needed to get out of these thoughts and glanced toward the bedroom, pointing and shaking his head. "That means a lot. I know he's watching over Dee like he used to Rik but it means he trusts him and that doesn't come easy or often."
Jay subtly nudged the strawberries closer to Ansgar as a distraction from those destructive feelings.
As he turned his attention back to the master bedroom, he sighed with a soft smile. “The best things in life often don’t. That’s why it’s so important to appreciate them while we can.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oprorsk_sode) wrote2021-11-04 12:54 am
no subject
All he could do is shake his head. "You know, my brother won the award for best legs in LA this past summer?" The girl mythos was deep around his brother and it had amused him and Rekker to no end hearing that his brother beat all the women. It had come with a bit of prize money too which Rekker had helped the Dane invest. It was sweet to Ansgar that there were those treating Mikkel like their kid.
no subject
“Best legs? I wasn’t aware that was an award you could win.”
(Suffice it to say, this wasn’t really Jay’s scene. The clubs he and Dee frequented weren’t of the stripping variety.)
no subject
"I didn't either." Ansgar shook his head. "Hexed and Blixt did a show together and I heard Rekker almost started a fight with the crowd talking about it."
no subject
no subject
no subject
“Like Dee and his skinny jeans. He lives in those.”
no subject
no subject
no subject
The teasing some of the older men got from the younger ones was cute, in his opinion anyway.
no subject
Of course, he'd swear up and down that his fiance looked good in literally anything.
no subject
no subject
Yeah, he has no idea what you're talking about.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"I might have a good twelve years on Dee, but he'd better not try out anything like Dirty Daddy on me. I can't see Dee finding that amusing at all." He shook his head.
True, he didn't really understand the full context, but he knew how Dee viewed power dynamics that came anywhere close to a parent over a child. Especially as his independence became more and more compromised by his condition. You want to get shut down? Seriously, say you only want what's best for him. It won't end well.
no subject
He could see where his brother would see similarities but it seemed like it wasn't a good idea. "My brother doesn't always know what he's saying. He was socially isolated for years."
When everyone else was in school learning how to socialize and what was right and wrong to say or do, his brother was locked in a house. It caused a lot of problems already, even between Mikkel and Sigurd.
no subject
Once Mikkel got to know the pair better, he'd probably realize their dynamic didn't match that stereotype whatsoever. Jay might be a caregiver most of the time, but he wasn't calling the shots. Dee was the dominant one. He was the one who needed to feel a sense of control.
It was complicated. Dee could be complicated sometimes.
"I don't want them to get off on the wrong foot. Especially when, you're right, they could be very good for each other." Jay replied thoughtfully. "I'm sure there are topics that he'd rather avoid too."
no subject
"The main one for my brother is not yelling. He'll run. Not just to the other room or something but run off." Ansgar sighed. "Raised, upset voices still mean a beating is coming to him and the instinct to run and hide is like an injured animal."
He'd run so many times, even on Sigurd. "I don't even know if he understands anything the way the rest of us do."
no subject
“You know, when Dee was Mikkel’s age, that’s exactly what he did. He ran. He stopped all treatments, burned every bridge. And went off by himself to either make it in music or die.”
The comparison to an injured animal was apt.
“He’s never been very good at hiding, though. He’s more the injured animal that bites back. Ferociously. Loudly.” Jay shook his head. “He’s worked through a lot of his anger since we started dating. But a lot of the fear is still there. I used to worry about him running more than I did about him dying. But at least now… he runs to me.”
Running might have technically been a stretch. Dee couldn’t really run anymore. And while he could technically still die, he was actively doing things to treat his condition now. Despite his fears.
Jay saw Mikkel the same way. There were likely some things those two would never truly work through. Some scars that would never really heal.
“Dee and I will watch out for those triggers.” Jay finally brought it around again. “But as you said… something could still happen. Even I’ve triggered Dee on occasion. And I know him better than anyone at this point. I’m sorry in advance if it does.”
no subject
There's a worried look that passes Ansgar's expression and a nearly uncomfortable silence. "If my brother turns on someone to bite, run. He hates fighting and confrontation. When he does those himself he believes he's about to die, literally die in that moment and will fight like that is what is at stake. It's better for everyone if he runs."
He shook his head. "Mikkel doesn't run to anyone. Half he doesn't trust and the other half, he'd worry going to them means they will be injured too. That's why he runs so much."
He knew it was possible. He'd lost track of how many people Mikkel had fought with, got upset with, over time. Sigurd still weathered the brunt of it because he was foolish, or courageous, enough to hold on when the kid imploded.
"The big thing to remember with Mikkel is people not being calm can easily be interpreted as real physical danger. Even Sigurd getting upset at other people to protect him has set him off."
no subject
He’d made unbreakable promises to Dee to essentially let him die. Those promises held up their entire relationship in a way, because they served as the literal foundation of Dee’s trust in him. For most people, mourning someone came at the end of a relationship. Jay did this entirely in reverse.
He looked up at Ansgar as the younger man broke the silence. He listened intently, taking it in.
“Not calm - is that only anger, or would feelings of intense anxiety be a trigger too?” He asked for clarification.
no subject
Ansgar shook his head. "He's so mature and together. Has all these people who love him. It's easy to forget he's fragile and that most of his life he's been hurt and alone." That was something Ansgar struggled with and played a huge part in his alcoholism. He couldn't be there for his baby brother. At his worst he blamed himself for it happening.
Ansgar needed to get out of these thoughts and glanced toward the bedroom, pointing and shaking his head. "That means a lot. I know he's watching over Dee like he used to Rik but it means he trusts him and that doesn't come easy or often."
no subject
As he turned his attention back to the master bedroom, he sighed with a soft smile. “The best things in life often don’t. That’s why it’s so important to appreciate them while we can.”
no subject
The idea of those two curled up and sleeping was undeniably adorable.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)